Saturday, 31 January 2004

First Paycheck

I've been paid. After almost two months of living on very little (well, very little after I managed to blow just about everything I had on my first weekend in Seoul) I've suddenly become rich.

1.8 million, in fact, which if you ignore the currency and actual value, is likely to be the highest wage I ever receive. You pricks back in Scotland slaving away for a few hundred a week, look at me now, with almost 2 million in the bank just for speaking my native language to a handful of little slanty eyes.

There's a few things I have to do with my money.

1. Pay back people who lent me money.
2. Buy a hifi.
3. Buy CDs.
4. Buy a mobile phone.
5. Buy lots of cushions.
6. Get drunk.
7. Get drunk.
8. Get drunk.


I got paid on Thursday then, and went out for a meal with Kristi. She lives on the subway line, which is very convenient. Less conveniently, she's a vegetarian, which in my area seems to be an impossible option. But she eats fish, so we found somewhere.

Then we went to what might be my favourite bar in Korea so far. It's a dimly lit bar, with a warm feel and comfortable sofas, and although the music is Korean pop it's at a relaxed volume. And there's a free pool table, and the woman who serves the drinks is a delightful, friendly woman who seems eager to help and to make your experience the best it possibly can be.

Nothing last night, but tonight I'm meeting up with Matt and we'll see what happens from there. We're both bad influences on each other so if we're on form then we can expect bad behaviour.

Also, we're going into pie-making business together. But more on that later.

My Fellow Teachers

There are a number of pros and cons to my school and the working conditions. On the plus side, the kids are mostly all very good natured, enthusiastic, well-intentioned and quite fun. Some kids are very bright, others entertaining, and even the worst kids really aren't all that bad when I consider how awful kids can be. Nothing I can't control. Also, the school is very near my apartment so I can pop back on free periods, and my apartment being on Daegu's one subway line is an absolute godsend. And my working hours, while not ideal, still has me finishing the day before 6pm. Many English teachers operate from about 3pm to 9pm, which I'd hate.

The negatives of the school are the erratic director who's management skills are highly questionable, the sometimes relentless succession of classes and the poor teaching materials I'm given and was thrown in with without any explanation. But you take the rough with the smooth, and my deal isn't so rough as to be unbearable. Far from it.

All these are just details that I suppose weren't beyond what I'd have expected about teaching in Korea. I wasn't expecting slick professionalism. But what I am a little surprised about is the main negative of the job - the other English teachers.

Outside of my school, most of the English teachers I've met seem fine. Well, in some bars I've seen a few that look like pricks (usually the ones who've been here too long actually) but by and large they're all pleasant people. It's a good ex-pat community. But none of them are at my school.

My two fellow teachers are David and David, but let's call the second David "John", not on a careless whim, but because that's his middle name and the name he's called at the school (the kids wouldn't be able to deal with two "teacher-Davids").

John first. I've mentioned him before, and I've been out with him a few times. Although he'd never be someone who I'd get on particularly well with back in Scotland (he's Scottish, by the way), on a personal level I find him ok. Sometimes. He has definite virtues, such as a strong sense of social justice. However, it's all very counter-balanced by the fact that he's deeply pessimistic, horribly cynical, always seeming to looking for another thing that's wrong with the world. Given a situation, he'll immediately hone in on the problems. I prefer to look at the positive aspects and I think that's why I'm a much happier person than he. He always brings me down in the staff room because since I've started he's never stopped going on and on about everything that's wrong with the place.

John hasn't just got a chip on his shoulder, he's got an entire goddam McCain's factory.

But he leaves in a few weeks anyway. I probably won't mind meeting up with him for the occasional drink, but I'd rather cut off my own leg than work with him again.

The other teacher, David, I've mentioned a few times before. He's the paedo-teacher. Probably an unfair monicker but hell, if he will insist on wearing gigantic and slightly shaded glasses, it's an obvious one.

I think he's probably a good teacher. He's had many years experience. But he seems unable to interact on an adult level. He has nothing to say for himself. I suppose he's the absolute personification of a "geek". And he's got a whiny nasal American accent, not to mention the fact he's one of the least physically blessed men I've seen in my entire life. Everything about him screams "unfortunate". And it makes me shudder to think how he'd have turned out if any of the other 100 million sperm had beaten that one winning sperm in the race.

Oh dear. It's too easy to be cruel about this man, but hey, honesty's the best policy - but truth hurts.

If he was a friendly man, a good laugh and had a few interesting stories, I wouldn't write about him so harshly. But so far his only redeeming feature is that I think he's a good teacher, and that he maybe just keeps hmself to himself.

Anyway, I thought I was getting rid of him in March. His contract expires then and the director told him it wasn't being renewed as they didn't need three teachers any more. A bit of a kick in the teeth considering he's the most experienced and has been there 2 years.

But then John decided that enough was enough and he gave his month's notice. The director did a U-turn and offered David a new contract - but at a lower salary. He didn't take it, but when another contract with the same salary was offered, he took it.

If that had happened to me, I'd have told the director where to shove it. I might have shoved it there myself, although it's not an attractive mental picture.

So, it looks like I'm stuck with paedo teacher for the rest of my contract. I'd have much preferred someone new, as few could be much worse.

But at least David buys pizza for everyone every Thursday.

Tuesday, 27 January 2004


Wordsearches are good. They keep kids occupied for loads of time, and if any other teacher happens to look into my classroom as they pass, it gives the impression my kids are working hard and that I'm in control.

My teaching is style is less about education and more about making others think I'm a great teacher.

Wordseaches are not at all educational.

Saturday, 24 January 2004

Interesting Account Of Holidays

Still on Korean holidays. H is visiting from Cheonan. We went out last night, drank a little. Today we wandered about. Tonight we'll go out, drink a little. Tomorrow he goes back to Cheonan. Monday I go back to work.

I took ages crafting this meticulous and detailed account of my last couple of days so I want you all to appreciate it

Thursday, 22 January 2004

Happy Lunar New Year

Happy Lunar New Year, or Chinese New Year as it's probably reported over where you are. Lunar New Year is the main holiday over here, and as such I don't have to work again till Monday, which suits me fine.

I don't really know what the whole LNY thing means, but I do know that it's the Year of the Monkey. This means that all those with pet monkeys will be blessed. I was born on the Year of the Horse, which is a bit of a let down for me. I've only ridden a horse once in my life, in Iceland last September, and I'd rate it in the worst 10 experiences of my life. Lower down the scale than losing your wallet, the harsh betrayal of an one-time friend, and diarrhoea.

Yes, diarrhoea has been a contemporay issue for me (the other two, fortunately, not so). I was not a well person on Monday. I knew on Sunday that my health was not at its fullest, but Monday it hit home. Monday also happens to be my hardest day of work, and I felt lousy throughout. A couple of classes I had to sit down because I was feeling so dizzy. But I battled through, because the hardcore don't succumb to illness. But when it was finally time for me to go home, then I assure you that my bathroom was one place that nobody would wished to have been.

But no pain, no gain. What I gained, though, I can't really say for sure.

So, my holiday started yesterday and, like today, I haven't done much yet. However, tomorrow H may be visiting and on Saturday we plan a trip to Gwangju, which is an area full of temples. I have a suspicion that one temple is much like another, but we'll see.

I'm also a little upset as because of the Lunar New Year, the nearby megastore Carrefour is closed, and it sold Leffe. Leffe is a marvellous beer but one which will be unavailable for now, as I expect Carrefour to be closed till Monday. While on Christmas Day all shops carried on as usual, and were packed (although Christmas is still celebrated here), they take this one more seriously.

Oh, I have a phone number too. I don't know what the UK code to dial out the country is (001?) but after that it's 082 053 984 9413. If you want to call me at an appropriate time then please do. I am 9 hours ahead of the UK, so between 10am and 3pm there it will be 7pm and midnight here. These times are fine, and on weekdays I'm often around in my apartment.

Ok. That's it for now.

Sunday, 18 January 2004

Soju, Rice Wine, Hiking, Haeinsa and Bad Behaviour

I had a number of reasons for wanting to leave Scotland for Korea, one of them being that I thought it would curtail my drinking. It's fair to say that in Scotland I was a most excellent drinker, but at the back of my mind was an awareness that each week 90% of my wages were spent on alcohol and some weeks I wouldn't have a sober evening and I knew this wasn't hugely healthy. In Korea, I reckoned, I could cut down on the alcohol a little.

But from the evidence of the booze soaked weekend I'm just emerging from, this may not turn quite as anticipated.

On Friday night, John - the Scottish English teacher at my school - invited me out for a meal at Mr Noh's house. Mr Noh was a friend of Josh's (my predecessor at the school) and had got to John a little too. As his English is patchy, I think John wanted me as back-up.

This wasn't required, in the end, as a friend of Mr Noh's was there and was fluent in French and so they talked deeply about politics and other weighty issues while me and Mr Noh knocked back the soju and wine at an admirable pace. Any language barrier was soon forgotten and me and Mr Noh were jabbering away about God knows what. Very likely about entirely different subject matters.

The next thing I know I'm waking up at 7am on Mr Noh's sofa. I have no memory of how the night ended so I have to speculate that I passed out quite abruptly and they just left me. From what I've been told about Koreans, Mr Noh would probably have been delighted to have drank a Westerner to unconsciousness. Though I can't imagine he was in too healthy a state.

I quickly got up and headed back to my apartment, to get a couple hours rest, for Saturday was to be a big day. Mik had invited me, along with a number of others (including Matt) hiking in a national park about 2 hours away, staying in a village called Haeinsa. So I met him and Matt at the bus station at 11am, joined by two people I'd not met before - an Australian with a ginger moustache called Tom, and an American girl in her first week in Korea called Kristi.

The hiking was fun. We went past some mountain temples and up a snow-covered trail to a giant stone carving of a Buddha. Tom was fairly quiet but seemed decent, but Kristi made a good impression. She knew Mik from an English teaching course in Madrid and had recently travelled in Ethiopia and Eritrea, two countries I'm intrigued by.

Anyway, that evening we went out for a meal, joined by a number of others: a couple, English James and Rhiannon who were very likeable, John who was a friend of Matt and Kristi's also from the Madrid course, two Canadian girls I didn't see much of, and a decidely odd looking American guy called um... dammit, it's slipped my mind. Him and his (male) Korean "friend". This American guy looked like a cartoon, with giant glasses and a peculiar body shape that made his body and head look like a giant balloon, with his legs hanging like strange spindles. His Korean manfriend had some nonsense name, and later became very affectionate with me and Matt, stroking our buttocks at every opportunity.

The meal was good, and copious amount of rice wine - a foul tasting liquid - was downed. We became more and more raucous and our behaviour at the subsequent Norebang (Korean karaoke rooms) was very badly behaved. We were guzzling beer like twisted little monkeys, and collectively singing with a frightening disregard for self respect. The tambourines were in heavy usage, including being walloped against the wall to make as much noise as possible. Everyone was all over the place, and it was a hilarious night.

I sang "Creep" by Radiohead in a duet with Kristi, which my memory has as the most tuneful moment of the night.

Haze envelopes the end of the night, but I know there was a degree of misbehaving. I recall being in bed with Matt and three girls (Kristi, Rhiannon and a Canadian girl who, as Rhiannon sagely observed, look like one of the pig-nosed met from The League of Gentlemen) but I passed out before I could turn this situation to my advantage. Oh well.

Back in Daegu for the afternoon today then. I'm soon meeting Matt and Kristi in town to see a film.

Oh yeah. Mr Noh works in a hospital, as some kind of manager/advisor. So a way, he could be called "Dr No". Thereby being the first James Bond villain I've ever known.


Thursday, 15 January 2004

Photo Diary Excuse

Another short entry. The reason I'm not writing much, by the way, isn't because I don't have much to write about (oh, the pages of school politics I could tell you about, or the various idiosyncrasies of children) but I'm currently deep into work on my photo diary.

For those of you that don't know, my photo diary was my project of 2003. I vowed to take at least a photo a day so I'd have a photographic record of every day of the year. I made notes too, so I'd know what I'd done every day and have photos to prove it. Well, this mammoth and expensive task is now complete and I've begun writing up my year. This isn't a small job - I think it'll be the end of February before I'm done.

But because I'm doing so much work on that, my writing here suffers. Hopefully I'll get a bit of momentum back here because I've no shortage of material.

I'll try and get a proper entry soon. But for now, all you need to know is that work's hard but ultimately satisfying. I can last a year easily, and right now wouldn't write off another, albeit at another school probably.

And I'm drinking far less too. Money reasons in part, but also because the beer here is pure pish in a glass and I can't face going in teaching when still off my face from the night before.

Alas, I know myself too well, and by March the odds are even that my kids will start to wonder about their crazed, drunken English teacher swigging from a brown paper bag every few minutes.

Wednesday, 14 January 2004

Forest and Farting

Hi folks.

Yup, I've just been working away. Even though it is pretty relentless sometimes, I'm totally into my stride. I can stroll into any of my classrooms now to the cries of "NevTeacher!" and teach the hell out of them. Or, quite often, play frivolous games and pretend to myself I'm somehow entertaining them.

Christ almighty, someone in this PC Bang has farted and My Good God it stinks. Sweet Lord, that is foul. It's like a dog has died and defecated at the same time. I'm not going to stop writing about it until it goes away and it doesn't appear to be moving fast. The thing is, next to me are two girls, and I cannot believe any girl is capable of something quite that foul.

Hmm. It seems to have mostly abated now.

Ok, here's a little detail of my day today, and the kids in each class, off the top of my head.

9.50 to 10.30. Forest class.

These kids can only be about 5 years old at the most, but seem to understand my English pretty well. They're a good natured class and not too much work considering their age.

There's Mikey, an amiable but dopey boy, not gifted but gets there. There's Joey and Eric who I get confused, but I think Joey's the one who colours in well. Both are happy, friendly kids. There's Kate, a bit lazy and easily distracted, but behaves well. Then Sarah, who's very bright and always eager to answer, and a fast worker. And Fiona, a clever enough and happy girl. She vomitted all over her work today. I was glad it was in the last 2 minutes of class because it smelt utterly foul. And finally Bonnie, a feisty little girl, who's very bright and enthusiastic, although often distracted and needs to be reigned it somewhat.

Next class is Cosmos. Hmm. I can't remember them so well, off-hand. Oh yes, I do, but I can't be bothered writing about them.

Or anything else, for that matter.


Monday, 12 January 2004

Bye Rodger

Damn, been meaning to update but, well, haven't. Basically, no major news though numerous bits and pieces, but everything is fine.

I might be a bit of trouble though. M7 were getting particularly irritating, so I took one of them (Rodger is - was - his name) out the class and when no-one was looking, stabbed him in the neck and he bled to death. Now, don't worry, no-one saw me and I stuffed his body behind the couch in the entrance, but I was COVERED in blood.

Hopefully the director won't find out. I was going to ask her to cover the costs of cleaning my clothes but he might suspect.

Other than that though, not much

Thursday, 8 January 2004

School Dissent

Although I'm getting on ok with my teaching so far, and think I'm an alright teacher, there are bigger problems which threaten to destablise the whole things.

Basically, there appears to be massive dissent in the ranks. Not the students, but the teachers. And the Korean teachers as well as the English.

The director, although on a personal level has always been friendly to me, is a poor manager, and from what I gather the school is in financial trouble. Which is the main reason, I suspect, that she informed the paedo teacher David yesterday that his contract won't be renewed in March.

He wasn't too surprised, but was still disappointed. He's got many years teaching experience and I think is probably a very good teacher, so the decision was purely a financial one. But it's got me and John worried.

I'm not afraid of losing my job, but we're both afraid it might become very difficult to work here. I'm already teaching 42 classes a week. That's quite demanding and, unlike most schools, 40 or 50 minutes is just 40 or 50 minutes, and not an hour. When David goes, what becomes of his classes? If every day becomes as relentless as my Monday or Wednesday, life would become very exhausting. And it's hardly going to improve the kids' education.

I'm contracted for 30 hours a week, which is 45 classes maximum. 45 classes would be very demanding. John is talking very seriously on abandoning ship. I'm not thinking strongly along these lines yet. It's important to see what happens. But if I was to find a school with better working conditions (preferrably in Daegu) and I was able to keep my working visa, then why not?

The Korean teachers are thinking likewise. Term ends at the end of February, and some have said they are leaving. I gather that a lot of the good teachers have been driven away. The director just doesn't know how to manage. She keeps making sudden decisions without asking our opinions.

I'm going to make a few discreet enquiries. As to schools needing teachers and about how my visa will be affected. I'm enjoying teaching and Korea but if this school is so wrapped in uncertainty then I need to keep my options open.

Tuesday, 6 January 2004

A Child Cries

I got my first kid crying today. I've had kids crying in my classes before, but just during gym as the result of a collision or minor injury usually. But this kid I made cry all by myself. He wasn't paying attention and was talking, and consistently so. So as a threat, and one I find very effective, I write OUT on the board, and wrote his name underneath. And he was devastated, and sat in miserable silence with tears well in his eyes.

How did it feel, to make a young child cry?

It felt good.

Monday, 5 January 2004

Teaching Breakthrough

It might be a bit too early to call still, but today felt quite like a breakthrough day.

Monday is a brutal day of work. It begins 9.50 and finishes (after telephone teaching) about 7pm. I get half an hour lunch break and another 40 minutes free period.

That might not sound especially vicious but it's quite harsh when it's a relentless succession of classes at totally different levels, and you're always on display, always having to put in a performance. You don't really get a breather. I'm not complaining about this, it was what I went in for, but I can quite understand how it can wear some people down.

But I had a good day today, with almost every class.

The morning three classes were easy. The toddlers are great, the other young kids are also fine and the third class was just a gym class.

But it was the afternoon classes that I felt real progress was made.

I don't want to slate the teacher prior to me, but from my position right now it looks like he really dumped me in it. Three classes use the same books and they would have been given these books at the same time. I learnt today that the books are supposed to last 3 months; in 3 weeks he'd virtually finished them all. Not actually teaching the kids anything, but just skimming through too fast. Leaving me with three classes all at different stages in the same book with no comprehension of what's going on except they think they've almost finished the book.

I ignored the book today and gave the kids a kind of writing test, so I can see what level they're at. Already I've seen that two classes are going to have to start the book again.

But realising that was a great relief to me, as before I felt I was wading through uncharted territory. Now I know where the kids are at and how to go from here.

The big breakthroughs came with my three problem classes. One class isn't especially a problem but it's just a pain. Four kids about 13, all fairly silent and surly. But today I got them laughing, and they seemed reasonably diverted by my teaching, rather than the usual "Who the hell is this prick" vibe they would emanate.

The "ABC game" class I also made good headway. They were a nightmare. Using a dreadful book, I'm certain that the teacher I succeeded ignored it and just played games with the class. Because they know nothing. And they expect games. But I cracked down today and got them all onto the same page and got them chanting and - I think - understanding concepts.

It was a hugely successful class, especially as my previous lessons with them had been shambolic. Even better, a Korean teacher sat in with the class, because they were known to be very poor at English. If she'd sat in on the previous two fiascos it would have been embarrassing, instead she got to see my most successful teaching moment yet.

And the dreaded M7 to finish. I still don't like them but I've identified the two troublemakers. There's another three boisterous kids spurred on by them and another weird, silent kid who seems deeply depressed, but they're manageable. I had to crack down on some of the misbehaving but considering it was after half 5 and they didn't want to be there, I did well. I had them writing the whole time. They stopped being cheeky and did some work. I've established that they're not as clever as they think they are and with luck I can start teaching them at an appropriate level.

So, sorry about all this teaching talk but I had to tell someone. The other English teachers in my school are quite cold fish and wouldn't have cared about my "breakthrough".

But today I actually felt like a good teacher. Considering I've been dumped in it, with poor teaching materials and classes all gone to hell by the previous teacher, I think I've done well. It feels good when you leave every class believing the children have learnt something.

Of course, tomorrow will probably be an almighty nightmare.

I think a big step is that I've now met all my classes and struggled through the confusing early stages, and now I've started to relax. I'm gaining confidence in the classroom and learning to deal with different situations. I think I've potential to be a good teacher.

In fact, I think it's very possible I could turn out to be the best damned teacher ever.

Ok, that's all the teaching talk for now. I get a phone tomorrow (maybe) so I expect tons of phonecalls.

Would you trust this man with your young child?

Sunday, 4 January 2004

Poaching Friends

I decided to poach John's friends today.

On Wednesday afternoon I went downtown with John, and to a little coffeeshop he recently discovered. Daegu has its fair share of coffeeshops, but this one really is a good discovery. It's very very peaceful and does great teas and coffees. The specialities are the tea lattes and the green tea lattes, they really are terrific.

Anyway, on Friday John was saying that the woman who runs the coffeeshop had invited him out for dinner with her family, and knowing Korean custom, they would insist upon paying for him.

And so today I went downtown by myself, and to the coffeeshop, and the woman owner was there and enthusiastically introduced herself, her son and his girlfriend. She gave me a free tea latte and we chatted a while before she went to church. I promised that I'd be there again next week and she said something about a meal.

I need some Korean friends I reckon. I've got my Korean name now, after all. You see, Korean friends are good because they pay for your stuff. Ok, now that's a very cynical and manipulative reason for making a friendship, but hey, that's me. A helpless combination of genetics and upbringing.

At least I'm not as bad as the deviant H. He said he would make a new Korean friend every couple of months and they'd stay friends until they eventually got tired of having to subsidise him everywhere.

I need a Korean to help me with the language too. As well as "thank-you" and "cheers" I now have "hello" and I think I know the word for "stupid" but I still struggle in conversations.

Back teaching again tomorrow. I'm feeling ok about it. I've got two problem classes, as I've said, but I think I know how to deal with them. One class is basically good but the book they're using is bollocks. But I've analysed it and think I can get something out of it, if I can prize them away from their beloved alphabet game.

The other class needs discipline, that's all. So bring on the Cane of Almighty Punishment.

Friday, 2 January 2004

New Year and My First Week of Teaching

Happy New Year everybody. Or as they say in Korea... um, Happy New Year. I don't have a clue what the Korean is, they all use the English.

So, my first week of teaching is over, although an easy week to break me in as I only worked Monday, Tuesday and today. And although I think it dubious I'll be picking up the "Outstanding English teacher in Korea of the Year award 2004", it's gone mostly ok.

New Year was a low-key affair intentionally. I was very tempted to just stay in for the evening, but I ended up going out for a few hours with my fellow Scottish teacher John, and weird American paedo David. I must stop calling him a paedo actually, it's really unfair. I don't think he is at all, but I'd be lying if I didn't say that he really is very boring. He has nothing to say about anything, and no real sense of humour. John isn't really on my humour wavelength either. Maybe I've just worked in kitchens too long, where the humour is bleak and brutal, but when just mild jokes about international terrorism seems to silence them then I know that if they ever heard me talk about whores or running over babies in my car then they probably wouldn't laugh.

Going out with these two was a surefire quiet night because they both don't drink, or John only in moderation. We went to some park in the centre of town where a giant bell was, and loads and loads of people. At midnight the giant bell was rung with a huge wooden stick/beam/ram thing and tons of little but noisy fireworks exploded all around us for ages.

A drink in a quiet jazz bar then back home for about 2am.

New Years day was unremarkable. There'd been a vague plan to go out with this English guy Mik and some others for a meal, but I couldn't go due to him living in some very obscure location, and my finances being in dire straits. I've actually got about 30,000 Won left (#15) but that's only because I found an extra 10,000 in my pocket about an hour ago. That's got to last me till February. So January is going to have to be an extremely tightly budgeted month. I'm going to spend money on eating, but little else. No luxuries for Nev.

I'm due to meet up with Mik on Tuesday instead now. He even said that he'll treat me to a meal. Now, that's the sort of friends I want. I bet I could even joke about stabbing children to him.

There are a couple of children I'd happily stab and then watch as their bodies crumpled to the ground and the tears mixed with blood as they gasped their last. That may be a little harsh but my M7 class is a bad one. I've got about 12 different classes and the 11 others all seem like nice kids. Even if they're easily distracted they still listen and make some effort. But M7 have got a few boys, about 11 years old, who are lazy and cheeky. I know they're saying stuff about me in Korean. It doesn't help that the book they are all on is too easy for them, and that they find it stupid and patronising (which reflects on me as I'm teaching them it), but I also get them 3 times a week at about 5.30pm, and by that time both them and me are tired from a day of school. So I don't blame them for not being bothered, but their attitude is bad.

Corporal punishment IS allowed in Korea. Bring on The Nev Beating Stick. And maybe The Little Box of Pain.

Any other brutal physical punishments welcome. Actually, off the top of my head I think I can probably list quite a few.

The Toaster

The Flammable Balaclava

The Meat Hooks of Horror

The ScissorFight Challenge Bonanza (involves 2 children)

The Jabbing Rod

The 20 Year Waking Coma of Agony

and many, many others.

I wonder what the director of my school would think if she saw my list of how to injure children? Is this a sackable offence?

At least I'n not looking up porn on the school computers. One of the teachers is, and you don't have to guess three times to whom I think it is...